But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me so that the message might be preached fully through me and that all the Gentiles might hear. Also I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His kingdom. To Him be the glory forever and ever. Amen! 2 Timothy 4:17-18
Over the last few weeks I have been feeling homesick. I know that I am called here to Scottsbluff, NE and I am falling in love with all the kids in this ministry. My heart is to see them know the love of Jesus and for them to want to tell all their friends about Him.
It has been over a month since I have been here and the honeymoon stage is over. It no longer feels like a vacation and it is beginning to settle in that I am here for good. I know that I know that I know that God has big things in store not only for the future of this ministry but also for my future. However there are times where I feel so lonely and like I am not equipped or prepared to be a Children's Pastor. I love kids and I love teaching them about Jesus but there are some days where I don't feel like I am worthy of even standing in front of them.
2 Timothy 4:17-18 is a verse that I am standing on in this chapter of my journey. I know that I am where I am suppose to be and I love it here however it is hard to think about what is going on back in Durango. I miss all my kids and my friends, sometimes here I don't feel like I am not good enough to make any new friends, like I am not someone people would like to be around. I know that this is not true but it is still hard to deal with. I know that all of this is a lie from satan but I needed to get my feelings out and allow myself to feel the way I am feeling so that I don't continue to shove it down and then one day it will exploded.
I continue to stand on the fact that God is with me and will never leave me. Thank you for letting me in a since throw up on you and tell you what has been going through my mind lately.
Brotherly love. Or something like it.
9 years ago
4 comments:
I love you. I totally have been there, girl...know that anytime, ANYTIME you need to feel "at home" or just need someone who has known you for more than 2 months to hug you-our home is open to you! So are my arms :)
Hang in there friend! I can imagine all the challenges you are facing right now and you're right. The enemy would like you to feel inadequate, unworthy, and just plain awful. He's WRONG! You are strong, courageous, a wonderful friend, a lover of all children and the one God wants to move that ministry forward. We miss you here in Durango but we are so excited about your new adventure. We'll never stop thinking about or loving you through all of this! You can do it! Love you!
PS - the yellow is hard to read. Either that or I'm old...... :)
Oh honey! I am totally sending you virtual hugs! You ARE exactly where God wants you, exactly when God wants you, doing exactly what He want you to do. Those whispers, doubts, fears are all meant to distract, discourage, dismay. But God is bigger! Love you honey!
I waited to post a comment because there was so much I wanted to say I wanted to make sure I had time to really tell you all that you need to hear. First of all, I TOTALLY hear you on the not feeling like you are equipped to do that job. The enemy of our souls is so silly. He tried to use the same one on me. You are MORE than equipped. You are MORE than capable... Jesus said he came to give you life "abundantly" and that we would do MORE than He did. Jinny... God has given you ever single thing you need to do that job. Your only job every day is to connect with Him... He is your source, He will show you the truth. He will remind you of your Dad's prophetic words and encouragement to be exactly where you are today. Children are going to know Jesus because of your efforts. Children are going to stand strong in their faith because of your giftings. Will you learn stuff? Will you screw up? Heck yeah! But trust that God has put in you in those circumstances to refine you, build you and prepare you for your NEXT great adventure. We send our love support and encouragement from Durango. We all know you we know what your capable of and although we miss you we know that God has called you to that church. My only recommendation is to truly seek Him. Seek Him when you feel like you don't feel adequate. Seek Him when you feel like your not worth knowing. He will give you ALL you need and an ABUNDANT life in Scotts Bluff, Nebraska. It is a promise. Love you sweet girlfriend, thanks for sharing your heart. Keep em comin!
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