I'm Still Here! :)

Life has been a bit crazy lately. Some times good crazy and some times not so good crazy but I am learning to live up and not act out!

It is only Tuesday and it has been an emotional week. Noah has been very whinny and it is really getting at me. I love him so much but it has just been draining to deal with his whining lately! I am also praying about what I am called to do next and really seeking God's direction for the decisions I am going to have to be making in the next couple of weeks. So it has been emotional to say the least.

Last night I had a dream about my wedding, now mind you I have had many dreams about my wedding and stuff and I am always so upset when I wake up because the dreams feel so real and I hate waking up!

So back to last night it was my wedding day and I was so excited it was a quick engagement which lead to a quick wedding. In my dream my mom was running late and I was freaking out because I wanted her to be there. It was time for me to walk down the isle and I was getting really nervous and all of the sudden my dad appeared and started walking me down the isle. It was strange because no one else could see him but I could see and feel him right next to me holding my arm and leading the way. As we got to the front my future husband (whom I could not see but I could tell that he was a child hood friend) reached out his arm and gave me a huge smile. When I finally got up the steps to stand in front of the pastor I turned around to see if my dad was sitting next to my mom and he wasn't, he was actually standing in the back. When I met his eyes he gave me this smile and look as if he where telling me "Jinny I am so proud of the women you have become." Then my alarm went off and it was time for me to get up. I was so upset because it was seriously so real.

As I started getting ready for the day tears started falling down my checks. Some days are easier then others and today was just not one of those days. And even as I type these words tears are running down my face. I miss my dad's voice, his hugs, and his words of encouragement. The dream seemed so real to me and my dads face express has stuck with me all day. He eyes where loving and proud and oh how I miss that.

As I sit here and type this up it is just so crazy to me that in seven days it will be the 6 year mark of him leaving earth and going to heaven. Some days it feels so real and others feel like he is not even gone. It is so hard to describe the feelings that have been going on over these last 6 years. To be honest I have wondered many times if my dad would be proud of the women I have become. So in a way I truly feel that this dream was from God. It was his way of allowing me to know that my daddy is proud of the women I am today. His eyes, smile and face expression in my dream last night will stick with me forever and will remind me that my God truly does hear the cries and desires of my heart.