This year will mark the 5th year anniversary of my dads death. I have never written down my version of what happen that night so I thought I would do it as a memory to my amazing daddy. Bare with me there might be a lot of tears shed during this post so I am sorry if it does not all make sense.
April 6th, 2004 the worst day of my life.....
Lets start with the night of April 5th ....... That day my dad had gotten a new cell phone so of course he was in his den playing with it so I decided to go and sit on his lap. Mind you I was 18 years old and a little bigger then a 5 year old but I did not care I still cuddled with him often. As I was sitting on his lap he was just playing with his phone as I layed my head on his shoulder. This is what we did many nights after dinner and homework where done. After about 30 minutes I decided to go downstairs and hang out in my room. I said good night to my dad and mom and headed down not giving my dad a kiss or hug goodnight.
At about 2 o'clock in the morning I was woken up by our family dog barking outside the window. I laid in bed for a few minutes thinking oh he probably has to go potty so mom took him out. Well when the barking continued I knew something was wrong. I started to get out of bed when I felt like I just need to stay put and call my mom and dad on their cell phones which I did. I called both phones several times when finally Sally answered my dads phone. Which of course I thought was weird because it was so early in the morning. I asked her what she was doing there and where my dad was. All she could say was pray. At that point I started to get scared I told her just to tell me that my mom and dad where okay and again all she said was pray. A few seconds later Michael her husband came into my bedroom and sat down on my bed. He proceeded to tell me that my dad had a heart attack and that there where paramedics working on him.
I then pick up my cell phone to call my older brother Matt who lives in California. I told him what I knew through my tears which he could barely understand. He told me to go get mom so I did. I walked to the bottom of our stairs and called up to my mom. She came to the top of the stairs and I told her that Matt wanted to talk to her. She came down and sat on the couch and I sat next to her. The next thing I heard was Matt it does not look good you need to get here. At which point I threw myself on the floor and began to sob uncontrollably. I knew that it was bad but I still did not think that he was dead I just thought he might be in a wheel chair or something.
My mom then hung up the phone with him and told me that she was going to follow the ambulance to the hospital and that I needed to get ready and go with Dean and Darla to the hospital. I then called my friend Maly cause I knew that I need someone with me. She answered and I told her what was happening she called into work and met me at my house. Once she got there I got into her truck and we drove to the hospital.
When we reach the parking lot I froze I did not want to get out of the car because I thought if I stayed there everything would be okay! I was afraid of what I might see when I walked into the emergency room. Maly grab my hand and told me that it would all be okay that my dad would be fine. Which motivated me to continue to walk in. As the glass door opened Michael stood at the door and told me I am sorry Jinny they where unable to revive him he is gone. I could not control myself. I barred myself into a corn and scream and cried. This could not be happening to me not my daddy.
My mom then came out of the room my dad was in and asked if I would like to go say goodbye. As we walked back to the room I got weak at the knees and could not walk. What was I going to see. My daddy was going to be laying there on the bed dead. I thought that if I did not go back he would wake up and everything would be fine. After a few minutes I felt okay I decided I could go back. As I walk into the room there was my daddy laying there with no life in his body. He had a tub in his mouth and his eyes where close. I went over to him and layed my head on his chest. I layed there for about an hour and cried on his chest. How could this be happening. I has to be a dream.
I laid there and asked my mom who was going to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day? Who was going to be my kids grandpa like my daddy always promised he would be? Who was going to be there to watch me graduate from high school in less then a month?
After about an hour I sat up and realized that there where more people in there then when we had come in. They where all there listening and crying with me. A little while later we said our final good byes and walked out the door. We all went and sat in the waiting room while my mom and I passed Kale Palmer back and forth and cried.
My mom was asked if we wanted to go home by ourselves or if we wanted people to come with us. She said she did not want us to go bye ourselves and she did not want to be left alone. Everyone come home with us and people started to make phone calls.
Still to this day it does not feel real. There are days when I think that I can just go home and he will be there waiting. When I have a bed day all I want is to go home and sit in his lap again. Just to tell him that I love him and that I miss him so much. Words can never express the pain, hurt and loss that I have gone through. There are days when all I want is a daddy hug and I can't have one. Or days when I see dads and their daughters interact and I want to cry. I miss those times.
After five years the pain has not gotten any better. I miss him every day and I will never forget him as long as I live. I can't wait for the day when we will be joined together again. My advice to you is never take a DAY for granted. Live everyday like it is your last and always tell the people you love that you love them.
My dad was an amazing man who will never be forgotten. He changed this world one person at a time and he loved what he did. He loved the people he served and he loved his family. He taught me a lot about life and truly had an impact on the women I am today.
I love you daddy and I will never forget you! See you soon!
Where I Went!!
1 year ago