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Inspirational stories come from the writers heart and soul. God put His "heart" in you. He didn't just create you. He invested Himself in you. You are the inspirational story that emerged from the heart and soul of the Father. Who you are is a person worth knowing well.

Jill Palmer (I think) :)
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Only My God!

For the last four and a half years I worked at a christian preschool here in Durango. I loved my job and I loved the kids that I taught! However last January things had gotten bad, there was a lot of stuff going on that I did not agree with or believe in so it was getting really difficult to work there. I loved the kids and I did not want to just leave and not finish out the school year! I prayed for months about what to do... should I leave, should I stay, should I start looking for a new job, what should I do Lord? I stuck it out through the school year and continued to pray about what to do. I prayed that God would open the doors that where suppose to be open and close the doors that where suppose to be closed. I didn't know what God had for my future but I continued to trust that He would lead me in the right direction.I was not only working 40+ hours a week, I was also very involved in the Children's Ministry at my church! Actually I still am very involved and I was also praying about what to do when it came to Children's Ministry as well. I love working with the amazing teachers and with the kids. I seriously love it more then my job so I was just praying that God would show me what I was suppose to do. It was hard because I was working full time on top of working on Children's Ministry stuff at least 20 hours a week. I knew that I could not do that again because it was just way to much! However I seriously would give up my job before I would stepped down from Children's Ministry! It has my heart and I love every minute of it! :)So as I continued to pray that God would show me with a "neon sign" what I was suppose to do. On the last day of school we had a huge ice social to say good bye to all the kids. It was very sad because I seriously LOVE my kids. And since I worked with the 4 year old's they won't be coming back next year. It was a very emotional day that I will never forget. I left the school ready and excited for a long girls weekend with Heather. We had a blast! :) The last night that we where there I got a phone call from a friend that I work with informing me that when she went in to set up her classroom that there was another lady in my classroom. So to make a long story short I found out through my co teacher that I was fired! It was a very hard thing to take because I did love the kids however I knew that I had been praying that God would open and shut doors as he saw fit.I will admit that I was freaking out because I was worried about finances and trying to find a job but Only My God will provided! Not even a week later a friend of mine called and said hey Rachel and Brian are looking for a nanny for their little boy Noah you should call and talk to them. So I did and low and behold they asked me to become their nanny! :) I was so thrilled! :) Now as I said earlier I did not want to give up on Children's Ministry so what did God do?? He gave me a job where I work 3 days a week 10 hour days for 2 dollars more an hour then I was making at the preschool! How amazing is that... So now I can nanny on top of doing everything that I wanted to to for Children's Ministry! :) So something that I thought was going to be not so good turned out to be perfect! :) ONLY MY GOD! :)

Friday, June 19, 2009

Mom's Car Accident (Monday June 15, 2009)

I have decided to blog about what has been happening the last 4 days in the life of Jinny MacDonald! There are pictures involved so if you do not have a strong stomach you might not want to look!

On Monday at about 9 I called my friend Jill to ask for prayer. I have been having a hard time setting boundaries and still loving my mom through her alcoholism. When we got off the phone I realized that I had a message and that my phone did not ring. So I decided to check it. Now this was totally a God thing because it takes me a long time to check my messages as most of you may know. So when I got to the message it was a lady named Mo from the ER telling me that I needed to call her as soon as I could. So I dialed her number and asked to speak to her. When she got on the phone she proceeded to tell me that my mom had been in a car accident and that she was pretty beat up. She was in emergency surgery for her ankle (she shattered her fibula and tibial) and it looked like she would be having surgery for her neck the next day. After that I kind of blanked out! I was crying uncontrollably. I was really scary even though I had been waiting for this phone call to come.

Once I got off the phone with the ER I tried calling my brother Matt several times but he did not answer so I finally left him a message and told him to pick up his damn phone. Then I decided to call Jill, I told her through my tears what had happened and she was just as shocked as I was. She told me to hold on and that she would call Jen and ask her to come get me. During that time I finally got a hold of Matt who was in the shower when I called him over and over and over again. When he picked up I just lost it, I tried to explain to him what was happening but he could not understand me. He told me to take a deep breath and then to start again. I explained to him what I remembered Mo saying and he asked for the number. After that Jen came and picked me up.

Once we got to the hospital Jill was there waiting for us as was Carolann. We went straight up to the OR waiting room hoping that a doctor or nurse would come to talk to us soon! At this point it was about 10 pm. We continued to sit in the waiting room, in the dark until about 1:15 in the morning when finally I got a phone call from Matt saying that the hospital had just called him to say mom was out of surgery. He proceeded to tell them that I was in the waiting room and had been there for many hours. Which we where told by several people that they knew we where there. So finally one of the nurses came out to talk to us! She said that everything went well but that they where not able to do the surgery. Moms muscles where to tight for them to get in and do anything so they just stabilized everything and put a weird contraption into her calf and foot. (picture below)

A few minutes later the nurse came back out and escorted us to see my mom back in the OR. She looked bad like nothing I was expecting. I had never expected to see my mom like that. It was one of the worst things I have even seen or had to deal with. We said hi and I prayed over my mom. We decided to leave and get some sleep and let the nurses take her down to the ICU. (That was Monday)

That night I did not sleep that well. I had a couple hours of good sleep before I woke up in a panic. Levi my moms dog was in the accident and I was really worried about him. We did not know if he was okay so I was really scared what I was going to find the next day. I was not only worried about the dog but about my mom as well. So I tossed and turned for several hours before I just decided to get up.

That day I made a lot of phone calls and received a lot of phone calls. My mom was in the paper her name was not mention but that was soon to come. I called the Bayfield Police office and talked to one of the head guys there. He was very understanding and explained to me what had happened. He answered all my questions and explained to me that my mom went from 60 to at least 105 in a matter of minutes. Then proceeded to drive off of the mountain side, sending herself up in the air and flipping several times till she hit a bob wire fence. At which time she continued to flip and came to a stop landing on the top of the car. The policeman said that they could not even tell there was a person inside of the car. It took 12 men and the jaws of life to get my mom out of the car, and 30 minutes later she was freed. They air flighted her to the Durango hospital.

After hearing all that I was in shock how amazing is our God that he put his angles around her car and protected her with pretty minor hurts compared to what the car looks like! (see below)
(Picture above is of the back of my mom's car)


(Picture above is of the drivers side of my mom's car)

After getting off the phone with the police men I got a phone call from Carolann updating me on what was going on. While I was on the phone Dr. Youseef came into the room and explained what was going to happen during the surgery. Once he found out I was on the phone he asked to speak with me. He wanted to make sure that he answered any questions I might have and explain to me what was going on. Once I got off the phone with him I started getting ready and making some other calls. I arrived at the hospital at around 11:45 am and was escorted back into the OR waiting rooms to wait with my mom and Teresa.

It took them about 15 minutes or so to get all ready to head into surgery. While we where waiting I asked my mom if she did this on purpose? And she replied "oh no, well actually I can't remember anything. But if I did try to God is just not letting me die." Man my heart broke, as mad and upset as I am at this whole situation my heart hurts for her. To think that she truly believes she has nothing to live for. A few minutes later the anasteologist (sp?) came in to get her all ready (by the way he was really good looking but he had a wedding ring on gosh darn it). Once it was time for her to go back to the operating room we said our good byes and prayed over her. She headed off and seriously it was like I was in the show ER. I was not expecting to be emotional at all but as I watched them wheel her off the tears started to flow. I never would have thought I would have to watch this happen to my mom.

Teresa came over and was crying as well as we just hugged. All of the sudden Dr. Youseef was there making sure that I was okay and that all my questions where answered. He then reassured me that everything was going to be okay and that he would have a nurse come out and let me know when they where getting started. We then headed out to the waiting room where Robin was sitting waiting for me. What a huge blessing! After a little while the nurse came out and said that the surgery had started and that all the pre stuff went well. At that point Teresa had to leave to head back home, however Robin stayed. We went down and got some lunch in the cafeteria and then headed back up. About that time the nurse came back out and told us that everything was going okay and that it would be about another hour. Man where those two hours long, thank goodness I had Robin there to be with me.

Once the surgery was over the hot anatesologist (sp?) came back out to let me know that everything went well followed by Dr. Youseef who explained what he did during the surgery and that mom would be in a neck brace for anywhere from 8 weeks to 10 weeks. He was very nice once again and made sure to answer any questions that I had. They but a plate in between disc 5 and 6 which where both broken in her neck. They also had to fix something else in the front that was broken but I can not remember what he called it. After everything was done we went and saw her in ICU where they wanted to keep her for one more night just to make sure everything was okay. (That was Tuesday)

On Wednesday I went to see her after she had some X-Rays done on her foot. The doctor and nurse where in her room getting ready to change her bandage when I arrived with Levi in arms. Man was he cute... when we got into the room he really did not recognize her. He just put his head and ears up straight and was like hey I know you from somewhere that was until she said his name and man did he just light up. He jumped out of my arms into her lap and started licking her face it was the most precious thing in the world. Once that was done I kept my back to the doctor and nurse who where changing her bandages and just held my moms hand and proceeded to ask the doctor questions. That is when he informed me that it would take 10 days to 3 weeks for the swelling to go down and that at that point is when she would have surgery.

So of course I was thinking okay perfect she will be in the hospital till then and everything will be fine. Man was I wrong! I found out shortly after that she would probably be getting out in 2 to 3 days! My jaw dropped to the floor and I kept thinking there is no way they are going to let her out that early. I was like Lord you know that I can't handle this and she has no place to go please work something out.

After that I left for the day and headed home to take a little nap, which when I say little I mean little. :( I was then woken up by my phone ringing! It was my moms social worker calling to talk to me. This turned out to be a total God thing.... I was able to express my concerns to the nice women on the other end and she is going to be very helpful. She agrees that with my mom wanting to commit suicide that her leaving will not be the best thing for her. PRAISE YOU JESUS! That just made my night! :) (That was Wednesday)

Which leaves us with today! I went to the hospital today to visit my mom for about an hour. She is sitting up more and has started physical therapy (which is going to be a very long process to say the least). While I was there we where able to see pictures of what her car looks like thanks to a friend of hers who went to go see the car. It is truly amazing that she is alive! If she does not know that God loves her and has a plan for her life now I don't know what will help her see that. It blew my mind that she made it out alive. Only my God who is a mountain moving God could do that. It was nice to see her more awake and alert. I am not sure how much she will remember tomorrow but we will see. There was some amazing stuff that happened tonight that I will blog about tomorrow!

Sorry that this was such a long post but I needed to get it out. I want it written so that one day my mom can look back and see how much God loves her. That no matter what she has done HE STILL LOVES HER. She is His daughter and He will never leave her side. Never forget that Mom God loves you so much and He has big plans for your future!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Drawing Close!


In times like these my heart hurts! I want to help my mom but I am also so pissed. I am pissed that she continues to drink and I am hurt that she wants to kill herself!

I wonder what can I do to help her? How can I take the pain away? How can I make her see that she is loved so much?

I wish she could see how much God loves her. I want her to know that she has so much to live for. God has huge plans for her life. I continue to pray that God will show me the boundaries that I need to set and how I can support her.

It is hard because she is my mom however I have to remember that Jesus Died on the Cross for her. For her sins, for her pain, and for her hurt. He wants to carry all this not me. He wants to walk with her through this not me. He wants to show her His love. He wants to take the weight off of my shoulders and carry MY pain, MY hurt, MY tears, My sadness.

When my dad died I did not only lose a father I lost my mother too. I have become the parent and it sucks. I want to scream, yell, hit, kick, and tell her how much she is hurting me. When she is sober she knows and she says she is sorry but the minute she starts drinking again she turns into this whole other person. I have to start living FOR ME! Making decisions FOR ME! This is a huge test of patients, and trust!

Do I have enough patients to wait on God and see His hand move in this situation? Do I trust God enough to heal my mom, to heal me, and my brothers? Do I trust Him enough to know that He only gives me as much as I can handle? Do I trust Him enough to know that He makes everything work out for His glory? Do I trust Him enough to hold me in His arms and never let me go?

Yes I do, it is a moment by moment faith but I DO TRUST YOU LORD! When I got the phone call on Monday night all I wanted was for my daddy to come back and hold me! To tell me that everything is going to be okay! That God is in control and to shelter me from the pain!

I have had many people tell me I don't know how you do this? How do you see her like that? How do you continue to love her through your pain and the pain she has but on you? How do you continue to have strength to keep walking forward?

Well to tell you the truth sometimes I don't sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball in the corner and pray that it will all just go away! But then God gives me the strength to push forward to show me that it is okay to let Him be in control! I continue to pray that if through my trials it brings God glory then bring it on! I can do ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH! Even in the darkest valleys I CAN DO ANYTHING WHEN I HAVE GOD BY MY SIDE!