Lately I have been really stuggling with my dreams.... will they come true? are they real dreams? how and what can i do to see my dreams come true?
Ever since I was a little girl my dream was to become a mommy and a wife. I have always wanted to have little ones to call my own. I have wanted a husband to share in my future and to build a family with. I can remember lining my baby dolls and stuffed animals up and acting like they where my class, one christmas I even asked for all teacher stuff' I would play school and than go home to my husband and kids. I can remember playing doctor with my cousins acting like we where having babies and than once we went around and all had our babies we would start playing mommys.
As I have gotten older my dream to be a mommy and wife has grown bigger and bigger. Many people say oh man you are so young you have your whole life a head of you. And you know what I want to say to that "well when you have been playing mommy and wife since you were five it feels like forever you have been dreaming of it for a million years." :) And you know who the people are who are telling me this.... they are mommies and wives they act like oh it is no big deal it will happen someday but for me it is a hard dream to wait for and say oh someday.
I was raised in a very loving and open home my family is not perfect by any means but I am blessed to call them family. I watched how my parents raised me and knew that someday I wanted to be able to raise a child like my parents have. I want to hug on them and kiss them and call them my own. I want to know that my dream to be a mommy and a wife is not just a dream that I wake up from every morning but a reality. I want to wake up next to my husband or wake up four times a night with little ones of my own. (okay after I have my own no one is allowed to hold this over my head lol) I want to know that my dream is a reality!
I know and believe that God has put this passion inside me for a reason and a purpose. I know and believe that this will come true. God is totally teaching me to be patient lol! Which I can tell you now at times I am not.
When I think of my dreams my dads favorite verse come to mind.....
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to
harm you. Plans to give you a HOPE and a FUTURE.
Jeremiah 29:11
I know that God has given me this burning passion, this dream so that He can see it come to reality. I just have to learn to wait on the Lord and know that His timing might not be my own! (And man is this hard) However I also know that this is a dream that He has given me for this stage of my life. I now need to begin to seek His face daily and pray for this dream so that His hand will move!
For the last four and a half years I worked at a christian preschool here in Durango. I loved my job and I loved the kids that I taught! However last January things had gotten bad, there was a lot of stuff going on that I did not agree with or believe in so it was getting really difficult to work there. I loved the kids and I did not want to just leave and not finish out the school year! I prayed for months about what to do... should I leave, should I stay, should I start looking for a new job, what should I do Lord? I stuck it out through the school year and continued to pray about what to do. I prayed that God would open the doors that where suppose to be open and close the doors that where suppose to be closed. I didn't know what God had for my future but I continued to trust that He would lead me in the right direction.
I was not only working 40+ hours a week, I was also very involved in the Children's Ministry at my church! Actually I still am very involved and I was also praying about what to do when it came to Children's Ministry as well. I love working with the amazing teachers and with the kids. I seriously love it more then my job so I was just praying that God would show me what I was suppose to do. It was hard because I was working full time on top of working on Children's Ministry stuff at least 20 hours a week. I knew that I could not do that again because it was just way to much! However I seriously would give up my job before I would stepped down from Children's Ministry! It has my heart and I love every minute of it! :)
So as I continued to pray that God would show me with a "neon sign" what I was suppose to do. On the last day of school we had a huge ice social to say good bye to all the kids. It was very sad because I seriously LOVE my kids. And since I worked with the 4 year old's they won't be coming back next year. It was a very emotional day that I will never forget. I left the school ready and excited for a long girls weekend with Heather. We had a blast! :) The last night that we where there I got a phone call from a friend that I work with informing me that when she went in to set up her classroom that there was another lady in my classroom. So to make a long story short I found out through my co teacher that I was fired! It was a very hard thing to take because I did love the kids however I knew that I had been praying that God would open and shut doors as he saw fit.
I will admit that I was freaking out because I was worried about finances and trying to find a job but Only My God will provided! Not even a week later a friend of mine called and said hey Rachel and Brian are looking for a nanny for their little boy Noah you should call and talk to them. So I did and low and behold they asked me to become their nanny! :) I was so thrilled! :) Now as I said earlier I did not want to give up on Children's Ministry so what did God do?? He gave me a job where I work 3 days a week 10 hour days for 2 dollars more an hour then I was making at the preschool! How amazing is that... So now I can nanny on top of doing everything that I wanted to to for Children's Ministry! :) So something that I thought was going to be not so good turned out to be perfect! :) ONLY MY GOD! :)
