June Quote and Verse 2009

Lord, I ask You to be in charge of my future. I don't want to dream dreams if You are not in them. I don't want to make plans that you will not bless. (Stormie Omartian)

A Man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.
Proverbs 16:9

Update on Mom #4 (Foot Sugery!)

Okay so today was the day! Everything is all fixed up and put back together to the best of the doctors abilities I am sure! :) The surgery went well, they did not put a cast on her foot because they where a little concerned at how the holes in her foot where looking! So they will be keeping a close eye on that and making sure there in no infection in the foot or the bones. Dr. Ferry did a great job and is a really nice lady. Mom is able to move her foot already and that is a good sign. They will continue to watch the leg for at least 48 hours and then they will put her in a hard boot. :( Which I am kind of sad about because I wanted her to get a hot pink cast so that I could sign it! :) As of right now I am not sure about what physical therapy looks like for her but I am sure I will know more details within the next few days.
Angie my mom's (# 1 -4) best friend is here which has been great! She has been a great support and words can not express how thankful I am!
Please continue to pray....
1. That there is no infections
2. That it is a quick recovery
3. That physical therapy does it's job
4. Sleep and peace of mind for me, mom, and Matt
5. God's hand and will be done with the legal end of things
6. That we can find a great christian metal/rehab for her to go to
7. Strength and wisdom for Me

Thank you all so much for all your prayers and support it means so much! :)

My Passion!

Words can not express to you my love and devotion to children! I have had a heart for kids since I was a child myself. It is a love that I can not explain and a passion that can not be blown out. As I write this tears fill my eyes because of the love that I have for these kids.

Many people ask me how can you love a child so much that is not even your own. To which I reply because even though they are not my own they are God's child and God has placed a love in my heart for them that goes beyond any words.

As a teacher and also as a "children's pastor" I met many different kids. Some who come from great families who love God and who treat their children like precious jewels and others who don't love God and who treat their children like extra work.

Many times when you look into a child's eyes you can see what is going on in their hearts. Children just want to be loved, they want to be accepted and they want to know that someone cares.

Because I myself am not a mom I have not been able to experience many things with a child that a mom does. However I am blessed and honored that I have been called to love on these kids as God loves us. Even if it is just as simple as a morning hug, children know when you truly love them. They yearn for your approval and attention.

My heart for your child is that they would know the love of their Savior. That they would be so bold as to say at the age of 7 I am going to take my Bible to school for show and tell. And even when they are discouraged from getting to share it they invite their friends to read it with them while they are outside at recess.

The Bible says to come before Him like children! What does that tell you?

We look at our children's ministry programs as just a place for kids to go while the adults go to service. This is so wrong. We are training your children to be followers of Christ. To love Him and to know Him as their friend.

If you would just come and see these children's faces light up as you tell them that Jesus loves them. That he died on the cross for their sins and that He wants us to be with Him forever. They get it. We as adults have all these "what if's" while our kids are say "it is." They have the faith that it takes to enter into the kingdom of God. We should be learning from them!

When you ask a child what their favorite Bible story is and they know storied like "Jesus Raising from the Dead", and Jesus Walks on Water they get.They understand who Jesus is and how much Jesus loves them! It blows my mind sometimes how much these kids truly understand!

I want you all to know how thankful I am that God gave me a heart for children. They are such a blessing in my life! Thank you Heavenly Daddy for children! :) I am so excited to be a mommy one day! Children are an amazing blessing for God the Father!

Update on Mom #3

Okay so now it just makes me giggle every time to talk about all my different mom's! I told my mom today what you said Jill and she laughed and said I should do one about the mom I wish I had and one about the mom I do have and let people vote on which one I should take lol! She was being a little silly! This being said I have a funny story to tell about her that happened today while I was visiting with her! :)

So Robin (a friend of mine) and I went to have lunch with my mom at Four Corners today after she had gotten back from a Cat scan at the hospital! As we sat down my mom's nurse came in to clean out her holes in her leg and foot, two in her leg and one on each side of her foot! Since she had just gotten back from the cat scan it was not wrapped up or anything and it was super nasty! I could see all the scabs growing all around the holes! I had to make her cover them just so I could eat and keep my food down.

Okay sorry onto the funny story so when the nurse came in my mom asked if they could wait to clean it out until we where all done eating and they said it was fine! So we finished eating and the nurse came in to clean it all out! At first I was like I am not watching, that is way to gross but I got over it and it was actually kind of interesting. :) So what they do is take the hydrogen peroxided and poor it into the holes and then once all the scabs are all soft they take goze and rub all around the bars and the inside of the holes to make sure it is all cleaned out.

So the nurse forgot to bring in the goza so she left the room for a minute to go and grab it. In the mean while my mom decided she was going to continue pouring the peroxided into the holes so that when the nurse got back they could just get it done and over with. Well I started talking to Robin and telling her a story when I looked over and saw my mom starting to poor not the peroxided into the holes but DIET COKE! Yes you read me right DIET COKE. I of course started saying mom, mom, mom but she was not listening so I SCREAMED MOOOOMMMMM! And thankfully she stopped right then and I was able to tell her that she was about to poor diet coke into the holes instead of peroxided!
After we where done laughing till I almost peed my pants, I told her that this was totally a blogging moment and that I had to tell you all! So I hope you all get a little giggle out of my mom's diet coke story! :)

By the way the surgery is set for 1 pm on Monday, the 29th! So please keep her, the doctor, and the nurses in your prayers! :)

Update on Mom #2

Hey Guys,

So here is what is going on in the lives of the "Durango MacDonald's"!

1. Mom was moved to Four Corners Nursing Home yesterday and is doing well there. The staff is great and there is an older man who wheels his wheelchair up and down the hall singing all through out the day! Which means mom has a concert all day every day! :)

2. The doctor came by last night to look at mom's foot and said that the healing is going well! Although the nurse's at the nursing home are not cleaning out the holes in her foot right everything is looks good. The doctor did come in and clean them out how they are suppose to and my mom just balled! He took some cleaning fabric and rubbed all inside the holes on both side of her foot to get all the scabs out so that there would not be infection in there. Man does that sound gross! I hope you are not eating while you read this and if you are I am sorry! :)

3. Mom is now in real clothes instead of a hospital gown and she is feeling much better! She had very high spirits today and is doing as well as can be expected.

(I know I know it just made me giggle so I had to put it on here)

4. As of right now her foot surgery is set to happen this coming Monday! I am not sure what time but as soon as I know I will let everyone know! Her and I both will be so happy when that surgery is done! Please pray that it will only have to be one surgery instead of two or three.

5. As for me I am continuing to take it day by day! I am trying to see the things that I can be thankful for in this storm instead of being so down in the dumps! It is easier said then done, however I am thankful that every day is a new day and that God is in control!
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support! It is awesome to know that there are people all over the world reading this and praying for my mom as well as myself! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Thankful/Grateful Thursday!

This week I am thankful/grateful for many things! Some silly and some not to silly but all the same! :)

I am thankful/grateful for the color green! It is my favorite color and every time I see something that is green it makes me smile! :)I am thankful/grateful for amazing friends. Words can not express how thankful I truly am!I am thankful/grateful for showers and fresh water! I love taking a shower and how good you smell after taking one!

I am thankful/grateful for my bed! It is not the best bed in the world but it is better then the floor! :)

I am thankful/grateful for the Pine Valley Church family who have stepped up and really supported my mom and I through this hard time.

I am thankful/grateful for dogs, who love to cuddle and be your side kick.

I am thankful/grateful for kids, their smiles, hugs, and kisses just make my day.

I am thankful/grateful for lotion, smelly lotion to be exact! :)

I am thankful/grateful for planners, can I just tell you how excited I get when I get to make something off my to do list.
Which also makes me grateful/thankful for pens and highlighters which allow me to write to do lists and mark, I mean highlight them out! :)

I am thankful/grateful for rainy days that make the outsides smell so good! :)

WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR THIS THURSDAY?

God's Word is True Part 2

"Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; and you are mine.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place.
Others where given in exchange for you.
I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me.
You are honored, and I love you.

Isaiah 43: 1b-4

This is God's love song over my life right now! That no matter how difficult life might get or how mad I maybe be at Him or the situation He is there to protect me. He is MY Lord, MY Savior, and MY God. He loves me just as much as He loves anyone else. He loves me no matter what I look like or what I am going through.

He has a huge plan and a purpose for MY life. I am PRECIOUS to Him and He LOVES ME. He wants to walk with me through life's toughest moments and life's joyest moments. He wants to hold my hand, carry me, or cuddle me which ever one I need He is there to comfort me.

He is my heavenly daddy and He loves me even more then my earthly daddy did. Man how amazing is that??? At times it is hard to even imagine but when I think of it that way it brings tears to my eyes.

MY GOD loves ME! This is not something easy for me to understand. His love is never changing NO MATTER WHAT! This is something that is going to take a while to set into my head. But how grateful I am that MY GOD loves ME!

Dear Heavenly Daddy,
Thank you for you love and forgiveness! Thank you for walking with me through this storm and for comforting me! Help me to truly understand how much you love me! In your name I pray, AMEN

Kale Says the Funniest Things!

Last night I was at the Palmer house just like every Monday night and we had a blast. We grilled hot dogs and brats and just stayed outside all night because it is so nice. After dinner we made s'mores in Marks Fathers day fire pit. Kale was holding the marshmallows and I was telling the story about how we use to play chubby bunny in youth group. Kale said that he would not be able to put that many marshmallows in and still say chubby bunny. Mark was turning on the sprinklers and over heard our conversation and said to me that it was a sad day when my mom had heard that a girl was killed playing that game. Which meant that we where no longer to play it anymore. So for about an hour Kale was thinking about that in that little smart brain of his. Well when Mark and Jill went in to put Kate and Jack to bed, Kale and I stayed outside and roasted some more marshmallows. While we where sitting there Kale asked me how I found out about the girl getting hurt from playing Chubby bunny. I told him that I did not find it out but my mom did to that he replies well how did she find out and I told him that she probably heard it on the news. Now this was the funniest part he then tells me that the news probably said something like this ...... "Today a girl was hurt playing a game called chubby bunny." I started laughing so hard and he got this big smile on his face. He is way to smart and so much fun to talk to :) I love you Kale Robert!

God's Word is True!

I, yes I, am the Lord and there is no other Savior.
First I predicted your rescue, the I saved you and proclaimed it to the world.
No foreign god has ever done this.
You are witnesses that I am the Only God, says the Lord.
From eternity to eternity I am God.
No one can snatch anyone out of my hand.
No one can undo what I have done.

Isaiah 43:11-13

I went to lunch today with a friend and she gave me this scripture and said I have no clue why but God told me to give this scripture to you. So I read it and it brought tears to my eyes. I know that many times two people can read the same verse and get totally different things out of it. So when I read it, it truly gave me comfort.

God knew that this car accident was going to happen and He knew that He was going to save her and give her, her life back. He predicted her rescue and He is going to use this situation to tell the world and my mom how much He loves her, and that no matter the circumstance is He is in control. And one day my mom is going to proclaim to the world HOW GREAT HER GOD IS!

It tells me that there is NO OTHER GOD which means in my moms case she uses alcohol as her god. She drinks because she does not want to feel the pain. She drinks because she does not want to be alone. She drinks because she is hurt and she feels that it is the only thing she can turn to and find comfort in. However God is saying that He is the only God. He is the only one that can HEAL her pain. He is the only one who can be there when she FEELS alone. And He is the only one who can TRULY GIVE her COMFORT.

This verse give me comfort by saying that my God is in control and that NOTHING not even alcohol can snatch my mom out of God's hands and that Nothing can undo what He has ALREADY DONE OR WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO. It shows me that it is okay to give my mom over to God because He loves her even more then I do and He is going to take good care of her.

Thank you Kristy for listening to God and for sharing this verse with me. ONLY MY GOD!

Update and Prayer Requests regarding My Mom!

So mom is doing a lot better. She is off all IV medican and is being released from the hospital tomorrow! She will then be transferred to Four Corners Nursing home where we will wait for the swelling to go down. I was able to go and watch her physical therapy today and it is painful to see. They have her hold on to these horozontal poles and walk on one foot, then they put a step in the middle of the lane and tell her to jump over it with only one foot. Man it was hard to watch however it totally is a testoment to God's faithfulness and love for her. That she is walking, talking and starting to heal only a week after the accident.

She had her foot bandage changed yesterday and there was a lot of blood and liguards collecting in her heal so they had to reset her foot and they are now allowing that to dran. She was in a lot of pain and said she was balling the whole time. I can't even imagine, however the doctor says it is healing properly and that they are hoping to do the surgery the beginning of July. So please continue to pray that everything heals good and that the surgery goes well.

We also found out that praise Jesus my mom still has insurance from her job, however she has to pay her half as well as the half that her job was paying to keep it. And as you can see she does not have a job and will not for quite sometime. Two women have come and forward to help with this situation and have set up a bank account to help raise some money for not only her insuance but for a rehab as well. So please pray that God will provide all the finances.

It is so amazing to see God work in this situation! I still feel that my mom is talking the pastors wife talk however I am praying specifically for God to blow her mind out of the water and for her to know Him in a totally different light. That she will be able to fall in love with Him as her Father and know Him in a personal way! And that she will allow Him to minister to her and to heal all of her hurts and pains!

Father I pray that in this time you will show and teach my mom about your love and forgiveness. That she will see you as her savior, healer, father and friend. And that she will begin to allow you to take off the bandades so that you can heal all of her. Help her to see how much you love her and how big and amazing your plans are for her life. In your name I pray.... AMEN!

Happy Fathers Day!

The first Father's Day I celebrated without my dad was in Guatemala! Which was a blessing in deices..... I can remember going home and telling my dad that I wanted to go to Guatemala and that I only had two weeks to get my first deposit in. He told me that I could go but that they could not help me with the money. So that night I set out and wrote my sponsor letter and then my dad proof read it. I sent it out the next day and the money started to flow in. That year I raised enough money to go not only for one year but for two years. It was so amazing and such a testament for me to see how when God puts a dream and passion into your heart HE WILL PROVIDED YOUR EVERY NEED. I was so blessed to be able to go on that trip and I was so happy that I got to spend Fathers day that year with so many amazing men of God who took time out to serve the people of Guatemala. Thank you Lord for the amazing life changing opportunity you provided me with to serve along side these amazing dads.



Okay so this year I decided to post some memorizes I have of my dad. I am so blessed to be raised by such an amazing man of God. He raised me to be the women I am today and I am so thankful for that. I am thankful that he taught me what it meant to have a personal relationship with Christ. He was an amazing dad, husband, pastor, brother, son, and friend. He made a huge impact in my life and I am so thankful that I am his daughter.


Memorize.....

1. I can remember our father daughter dates we would do whatever I wanted to do. I can recall one time when we went downtown and get some ice cream and then sat on a bench. We watched as people would walk by and guess if they where from here or a tourist we would laugh so hard and have so much fun.

2. I can remember when I turned 16 and he took me to Subway to give me my promise ring. I had been begging for one since I was 13 but he said he would not give me one till I turned 16. So when that day came I was so stocked. He asked me be his until I got married. To promise to live my life for Jesus and to continue to stay pure. It was such a sweet and precious time I will never forget.

3. I can remember going to the church and having lunch with my dad during the school week. Most high school students would go out with their friends but I wanted to have lunch with my dad. So I would go to city market pick up some salads and then go to his office and we would eat together. We would talk about our days and whatever else was on our minds, I mean my mind! :)

4. I can remember when I threw him a surprise party for his 46th birthday. His present was to go on a date with me but I had a little plan up my sleeve. :) There was a lot of people who showed and it was a great time. :) He was totally surprised and we had a blast. His party was a little over a month before he died. I will never forget this time.

There are many more memorise that I have of my dad but that would take up a lot of space. Maybe next year I will share a few more! :) HAPPY FATHERS DAY DADDY I LOVE YOU!

Bring the Rain

Over the past week there has been a song that I have made my prayer! There has been many things that I have walked through in the last 5 years and I know that there is still more stuff to come however this song is what my hearts cry is! The words are so powerful and every time I hear them I start to cry! So I hope you enjoy! :)

Bring the Rain (by Mercy Me)

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've been through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life has changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead i draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings you glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise you
Jesus bring the rain

I am yours regardless of
The clouds that my loon above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings you glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise you
Jesus bring the rain
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

Mom's Car Accident (Monday June 15, 2009)

I have decided to blog about what has been happening the last 4 days in the life of Jinny MacDonald! There are pictures involved so if you do not have a strong stomach you might not want to look!

On Monday at about 9 I called my friend Jill to ask for prayer. I have been having a hard time setting boundaries and still loving my mom through her alcoholism. When we got off the phone I realized that I had a message and that my phone did not ring. So I decided to check it. Now this was totally a God thing because it takes me a long time to check my messages as most of you may know. So when I got to the message it was a lady named Mo from the ER telling me that I needed to call her as soon as I could. So I dialed her number and asked to speak to her. When she got on the phone she proceeded to tell me that my mom had been in a car accident and that she was pretty beat up. She was in emergency surgery for her ankle (she shattered her fibula and tibial) and it looked like she would be having surgery for her neck the next day. After that I kind of blanked out! I was crying uncontrollably. I was really scary even though I had been waiting for this phone call to come.

Once I got off the phone with the ER I tried calling my brother Matt several times but he did not answer so I finally left him a message and told him to pick up his damn phone. Then I decided to call Jill, I told her through my tears what had happened and she was just as shocked as I was. She told me to hold on and that she would call Jen and ask her to come get me. During that time I finally got a hold of Matt who was in the shower when I called him over and over and over again. When he picked up I just lost it, I tried to explain to him what was happening but he could not understand me. He told me to take a deep breath and then to start again. I explained to him what I remembered Mo saying and he asked for the number. After that Jen came and picked me up.

Once we got to the hospital Jill was there waiting for us as was Carolann. We went straight up to the OR waiting room hoping that a doctor or nurse would come to talk to us soon! At this point it was about 10 pm. We continued to sit in the waiting room, in the dark until about 1:15 in the morning when finally I got a phone call from Matt saying that the hospital had just called him to say mom was out of surgery. He proceeded to tell them that I was in the waiting room and had been there for many hours. Which we where told by several people that they knew we where there. So finally one of the nurses came out to talk to us! She said that everything went well but that they where not able to do the surgery. Moms muscles where to tight for them to get in and do anything so they just stabilized everything and put a weird contraption into her calf and foot. (picture below)

A few minutes later the nurse came back out and escorted us to see my mom back in the OR. She looked bad like nothing I was expecting. I had never expected to see my mom like that. It was one of the worst things I have even seen or had to deal with. We said hi and I prayed over my mom. We decided to leave and get some sleep and let the nurses take her down to the ICU. (That was Monday)

That night I did not sleep that well. I had a couple hours of good sleep before I woke up in a panic. Levi my moms dog was in the accident and I was really worried about him. We did not know if he was okay so I was really scared what I was going to find the next day. I was not only worried about the dog but about my mom as well. So I tossed and turned for several hours before I just decided to get up.

That day I made a lot of phone calls and received a lot of phone calls. My mom was in the paper her name was not mention but that was soon to come. I called the Bayfield Police office and talked to one of the head guys there. He was very understanding and explained to me what had happened. He answered all my questions and explained to me that my mom went from 60 to at least 105 in a matter of minutes. Then proceeded to drive off of the mountain side, sending herself up in the air and flipping several times till she hit a bob wire fence. At which time she continued to flip and came to a stop landing on the top of the car. The policeman said that they could not even tell there was a person inside of the car. It took 12 men and the jaws of life to get my mom out of the car, and 30 minutes later she was freed. They air flighted her to the Durango hospital.

After hearing all that I was in shock how amazing is our God that he put his angles around her car and protected her with pretty minor hurts compared to what the car looks like! (see below)
(Picture above is of the back of my mom's car)

(Picture above is of the drivers side of my mom's car)

After getting off the phone with the police men I got a phone call from Carolann updating me on what was going on. While I was on the phone Dr. Youseef came into the room and explained what was going to happen during the surgery. Once he found out I was on the phone he asked to speak with me. He wanted to make sure that he answered any questions I might have and explain to me what was going on. Once I got off the phone with him I started getting ready and making some other calls. I arrived at the hospital at around 11:45 am and was escorted back into the OR waiting rooms to wait with my mom and Teresa.

It took them about 15 minutes or so to get all ready to head into surgery. While we where waiting I asked my mom if she did this on purpose? And she replied "oh no, well actually I can't remember anything. But if I did try to God is just not letting me die." Man my heart broke, as mad and upset as I am at this whole situation my heart hurts for her. To think that she truly believes she has nothing to live for. A few minutes later the anasteologist (sp?) came in to get her all ready (by the way he was really good looking but he had a wedding ring on gosh darn it). Once it was time for her to go back to the operating room we said our good byes and prayed over her. She headed off and seriously it was like I was in the show ER. I was not expecting to be emotional at all but as I watched them wheel her off the tears started to flow. I never would have thought I would have to watch this happen to my mom.

Teresa came over and was crying as well as we just hugged. All of the sudden Dr. Youseef was there making sure that I was okay and that all my questions where answered. He then reassured me that everything was going to be okay and that he would have a nurse come out and let me know when they where getting started. We then headed out to the waiting room where Robin was sitting waiting for me. What a huge blessing! After a little while the nurse came out and said that the surgery had started and that all the pre stuff went well. At that point Teresa had to leave to head back home, however Robin stayed. We went down and got some lunch in the cafeteria and then headed back up. About that time the nurse came back out and told us that everything was going okay and that it would be about another hour. Man where those two hours long, thank goodness I had Robin there to be with me.

Once the surgery was over the hot anatesologist (sp?) came back out to let me know that everything went well followed by Dr. Youseef who explained what he did during the surgery and that mom would be in a neck brace for anywhere from 8 weeks to 10 weeks. He was very nice once again and made sure to answer any questions that I had. They but a plate in between disc 5 and 6 which where both broken in her neck. They also had to fix something else in the front that was broken but I can not remember what he called it. After everything was done we went and saw her in ICU where they wanted to keep her for one more night just to make sure everything was okay. (That was Tuesday)

On Wednesday I went to see her after she had some X-Rays done on her foot. The doctor and nurse where in her room getting ready to change her bandage when I arrived with Levi in arms. Man was he cute... when we got into the room he really did not recognize her. He just put his head and ears up straight and was like hey I know you from somewhere that was until she said his name and man did he just light up. He jumped out of my arms into her lap and started licking her face it was the most precious thing in the world. Once that was done I kept my back to the doctor and nurse who where changing her bandages and just held my moms hand and proceeded to ask the doctor questions. That is when he informed me that it would take 10 days to 3 weeks for the swelling to go down and that at that point is when she would have surgery.

So of course I was thinking okay perfect she will be in the hospital till then and everything will be fine. Man was I wrong! I found out shortly after that she would probably be getting out in 2 to 3 days! My jaw dropped to the floor and I kept thinking there is no way they are going to let her out that early. I was like Lord you know that I can't handle this and she has no place to go please work something out.

After that I left for the day and headed home to take a little nap, which when I say little I mean little. :( I was then woken up by my phone ringing! It was my moms social worker calling to talk to me. This turned out to be a total God thing.... I was able to express my concerns to the nice women on the other end and she is going to be very helpful. She agrees that with my mom wanting to commit suicide that her leaving will not be the best thing for her. PRAISE YOU JESUS! That just made my night! :) (That was Wednesday)

Which leaves us with today! I went to the hospital today to visit my mom for about an hour. She is sitting up more and has started physical therapy (which is going to be a very long process to say the least). While I was there we where able to see pictures of what her car looks like thanks to a friend of hers who went to go see the car. It is truly amazing that she is alive! If she does not know that God loves her and has a plan for her life now I don't know what will help her see that. It blew my mind that she made it out alive. Only my God who is a mountain moving God could do that. It was nice to see her more awake and alert. I am not sure how much she will remember tomorrow but we will see. There was some amazing stuff that happened tonight that I will blog about tomorrow!

Sorry that this was such a long post but I needed to get it out. I want it written so that one day my mom can look back and see how much God loves her. That no matter what she has done HE STILL LOVES HER. She is His daughter and He will never leave her side. Never forget that Mom God loves you so much and He has big plans for your future!

Thankful/Grateful Thursdays

Today I am thankful/grateful for so many things even during the storm I am going through God had been so faithful.... what an AMAZING GOD WE SERVE!

I am thankful that my mom is alive. When you look at the car it is just unbelievable that she made it out alive (more on this to come)

I am thankful for doctors who care for their patents and their families. Dr. Youseef is an amazing man and has taken the time not only to make sure that my mom is comfortable but that I am okay and that all my questions are answered. Dr. Schoo was the same way, he was patient with me and answered any question I had.

I am thankful that God had his angels around the car that night and on the road.

I am thankful that no one else was hurt and that my mom came out with minor injures compared to what she should look like coming out from her car.

I am thankful for the Nurses who care for my mom and who show her love every time they walk into the room.

I am thankful for Laura Robinson who is one of my moms physical therapists as well as all the other amazing people in that department who are there helping my mom get better. And are teaching her how to move once again.

I am thankful for Gods grace in my moms life. That He loves her so much and has a huge purpose for her life.

I am thankful that God is teaching me how to have grace like He does. Even though it is not easy He loves me enough to allow me to mess up and to pick me back up again. He is teaching me how to love my mom through the pain and now to encourage her!

I am thankful for the AMAZING FRIENDS who love me and my mom so much. The friends who wait in the hospital room till 2 in the morning so I can see my mom for the first time. (Jill and Jen) For the friends who send me loving comments on my blog to encourage me how much your words mean I will never be able to express. (Jill, Jo , Jen and Tiff) And also for the friends who have encouraged me on facebook. (to many to name) For the friends who go to lunch with me and wait in the OR waiting room while my mom is in neck surgery and also goes to visit her with me. (Robin) For the friends who have gone to see my mom and send her flowers. Who love her and support her and who are blowing her socks off by showing her the love and support she needs. I am so thankful to all of you for your support through this hard time.

I am thankful for friends who understand when I say I am mad at God or that I am doing really crappy right now. And that they still love me!

I am thankful that God loves me enough to know how much I can handle and when I can't handle it He carriers me through!

I am thankful for my life and that has an amazing plan for ME!

Man when I sat down to write this Thankful Thursday I did not know what I was going to write! It blows my mind how much God loves me and how much I have to be thankful/ grateful for!

Drawing Close!

In times like these my heart hurts! I want to help my mom but I am also so pissed. I am pissed that she continues to drink and I am hurt that she wants to kill herself!

I wonder what can I do to help her? How can I take the pain away? How can I make her see that she is loved so much?

I wish she could see how much God loves her. I want her to know that she has so much to live for. God has huge plans for her life. I continue to pray that God will show me the boundaries that I need to set and how I can support her.

It is hard because she is my mom however I have to remember that Jesus Died on the Cross for her. For her sins, for her pain, and for her hurt. He wants to carry all this not me. He wants to walk with her through this not me. He wants to show her His love. He wants to take the weight off of my shoulders and carry MY pain, MY hurt, MY tears, My sadness.

When my dad died I did not only lose a father I lost my mother too. I have become the parent and it sucks. I want to scream, yell, hit, kick, and tell her how much she is hurting me. When she is sober she knows and she says she is sorry but the minute she starts drinking again she turns into this whole other person. I have to start living FOR ME! Making decisions FOR ME! This is a huge test of patients, and trust!

Do I have enough patients to wait on God and see His hand move in this situation? Do I trust God enough to heal my mom, to heal me, and my brothers? Do I trust Him enough to know that He only gives me as much as I can handle? Do I trust Him enough to know that He makes everything work out for His glory? Do I trust Him enough to hold me in His arms and never let me go?

Yes I do, it is a moment by moment faith but I DO TRUST YOU LORD! When I got the phone call on Monday night all I wanted was for my daddy to come back and hold me! To tell me that everything is going to be okay! That God is in control and to shelter me from the pain!

I have had many people tell me I don't know how you do this? How do you see her like that? How do you continue to love her through your pain and the pain she has but on you? How do you continue to have strength to keep walking forward?

Well to tell you the truth sometimes I don't sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball in the corner and pray that it will all just go away! But then God gives me the strength to push forward to show me that it is okay to let Him be in control! I continue to pray that if through my trials it brings God glory then bring it on! I can do ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH! Even in the darkest valleys I CAN DO ANYTHING WHEN I HAVE GOD BY MY SIDE!